Getting What You Want.


“Nothing worth having comes easy” yeah,  we get it, but we don’t want it to be true. Do I really have to take a risk & lose a lot to gain what I want, and if so- why?

It all comes down to capacity.  We have a certain capacity for information, relationships and physical items in our lives- Therefore, you have to lose some of what you don’t need to gain a whole bunch of what you want- only to find out that you might have to lose that, too, because it may not be what you wanted after all- might not fit into the equation.  Life is weird like that- the sweater you swore was your favorite last winter goes in the “donate pile” this winter.  Fuck it.  Life is weird like that.  Cycles.  It all relates to cycles. “Todo tiene su final”- even if you’re praying that Willie and Hector weren’t applying it to all circumstances when they wrote the song.

This was one of my biggest lessons learned in 2016.  That I can have everything that I wrote down in regards to my dreams, my scheduled out, very detailed list of this that and the other- could be in my life- with a price.  The price we pay is pain-full.  That pain(full) can make you feel quite emp-ty… but to be saving space for things that don’t serve you- is slowing you down from filling that space with something that NEEDS to be there.  You delay the full-of-pain process- to stay in your comfort zone for just a bit longer… at the price of not getting closer to realizing your dreams.  So which one is worse, dealing with the painful process of standing still and holding shit on your back, or the pain-full process of growth- which requires sacrifice.

The definition of Sacrifice is “surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure”.

Now, if that God is something you believe is in you, then offer everything and watch the flood gate of incoming goodness fall open and learn how to soak it all up.

As children, we are sponges that retain everything our parents, family, peers, movies, shows, songs & teachers tell us about- as adults, we realize we have been holding other people’s heavy, outdated furniture on our backs.  That Hepplewhite sofa looks cool but its heavy and a bit too square for your liking- and it took you 25-35+ years to figure out that it’s time to throw that shit out!!!!!

Time for some new thinking.  superhero

Time for some new feeling.

Time for a new perspective.  A new body.  A healthy body.  A healthy mind.  A job you want.  The love you dream of.  An environment that you thrive in.  Everything you want.

Full-of-pain to get it.  (Pain is good. watch your labels.)

It’s redundant quotes like “there’s light at the end of the tunnel” that get you through it all, too (and wow what a declaration of the importance of words is a quote that follows & helps you through life like that.  Choose your words wisely, my friends).  Life is funny.  It’s weird like that.  It is even funny to me that writing blogs is painful for me because I don’t trust that my train of thought will go anywhere constructive,  but it always helps me work something out- and I only hope to do the same thing for my readers.

So 2016, I kept saying “wow I realize I can have what I want, just- God isn’t making it on the exact path that I thought I was going to have to take to get there”.  Accepting that requires flexibility.  Which segues into my training and how that has assisted me in understanding the importance of flexibility as I have mentioned in previous posts.  Flexible mind, flexible body.  Flexible body, flexible mind.  My training has pointed out where my body is uneven- especially my right side.  Now I have been doing more isolated lifting & stretching more- really breathing into and listening to my body.  Being in your skin is so beauty-full and pain-full.  Uncomfortable.   Food addiction…  Vices.  My training has made me face myself a little too closely in working on my body, if I don’t figure out my emotional eating, I will never conquer getting on stage for a competition.  Good pressure.  Good pain.  Pain-full.  Certainly not empty.

Vices.   Self distraction via socializing in ways that don’t serve me for the sake not being alone and feeling lonely. Empty. Painful.  Not full-of-pain-and-headed-up.  Rather, regressing-back-to-where-I-have-already-been. No, thank you.  I dont think it’s good to navigate through your life the way that you could in your childhood home in the pitch black as you found your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night- as a challenge to both make it through without tripping on anything or bumping into a wall- do you have to slide your hand across the paint to find the light switch, or could you find the light switch by simply reaching out? Familiarity is not always a good thing.  Famili-arity.  Funny.  Family-arity, those family values that can turn into unneeded furniture on your back- what a painful, weighed-down journey to a destination you dream of reaching.  Throw the sofa out.

Tonight I wanted to go out and be social so badly after work, but instead I stuck with my commitments that I had made at the end of last year, and came home to eat a healthy meal, stretch and listen to my body- see if I have made progress and decide what needs to be done so that this time next week I feel a little better and not so much pain from training. I am full.  I am sticking with my commitment of writing this year.   I am feeling fulfilled.  One more brick laid, another step taken in the right direction.  I am sure.  Sacrifice is worth it.  It was one hell of an internal arguement I had the whole time that I was in my office.  It was so much of an arguement that at one point, I even questioned which option I decided on- which Jessie won? “Go out and get dinner or come home and make it? ” I had a few excuses to justify why going out was a good idea, knowing that it would affect how my morning began.  This way I could stay home and plan for tomorrow and go to sleep early (it’s currently 1:52am. Whoops).

images-1Nothing in life comes easy.  Our thoughts create our actions.  Our neural pathways are habits- embedded in our minds- they’re heard to reroute.  Rerouting them is how we learn.  Learning causes us to grow.  Growth both creates change and comes from change.  We literally have to work for everything we want in our lives because in order to acquire our desires, we have to rewire our brains to change how we think so that we can let go of what and who doesn’t serve us so that we can have what we want.  We must be willing to sacrifice things blocking the way of obtaining our goals, keeping us from living our dreams.  Information, relationships, & physical things in your life- todo tiene su final. Learning to accept that truth will create a minute change in the direction you were headed & set off a flame that will light your path and create a better understanding for the next step to take.




**This was a tough one for me to end because I wanted to keep going, but I felt I was getting off track from my initial intention of explaining that we can have what we want, just not how we think it is going to happen.  Thank you for reading, I hope it applies to something you are experiencing, too.

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